I get it. It’s hard enough these days to even catch a breath before it’s bedtime. When Dan’s son came to live with us full time, I found myself wanting to go to bed 5 minutes after his bedtime. Suddenly each day was bombarded with meal preparation, Lego playing, cleaning, and then cleaning some more. Did I mention cleaning? I felt myself becoming drained. My alone time with Dan needed to be a sanctuary, where I could feel rebooted. Quiet time with him was great, curling up on the couch for a movie, but I also knew we needed to keep our relationship in tip-top shape to remain a sanctuary and not an added exhaustion. And that my friends, means work.
Hold on, hold on, don’t panic that you need to be signing up for a relationship boot camp each week. By remembering these three key salves (something that soothes or relieves), your relationship will be pointed in the right direction, morning and night.
I’m not always amazing at apologizing right away, but I’ve definitely gotten better! I attribute this to practicing humbleness. Each night I take a few minutes to reflect on anything I’ve done that could have hurt Dan’s feelings (that’s right, men DO have them).
Gosh, I really spoke to Dan like a child when I was frustrated earlier. I need him to know I’m sorry; I was having a moment.
Usually these mistakes are really easy to catch because his facial expression will send a little prick to my heart. Or my own conscience will send me a red flag.
Wow, Sam. Way to be mean. My conscience doesn’t use a lot of words.
An apology not only let’s your significant other know that you care about how they are treated, but it also alerts your brain that a particular behavior was disadvantageous for you. Do it.
How often do you go through life feeling unappreciated? I think most people would agree that we are becoming a more and more thankless society. I get excited just when the Chick Fila people tell me it was their pleasure to help me. Or if a parent thanks me for something I did for their children (did I mention I’m a part-time preschool teacher?). Let me add that the excitement is from heartfelt words, not disingenuous ones.
Well guess what, our relationships NEED more encouragement, too. DAILY. Sometimes it’s a simple as a thank you.
Babe, thank you so much for getting the car warmed up for us. I’m cozy and you rock.
If this is difficult, practice! Add it to those few minutes you take before bed for apology checking. By doing this you are actually training your brain to look for these things daily! If you’re man fails to do this for you, take a deep breath and remember that you are a powerful woman and your actions have an effect. Give it some time and remember that GIVING encouragement brings positivity not just to him but to you as well!
Heaven help us! When I first met Dan, he was agnostic (he thought there might be something out there but he didn’t know what it was). This may sound ludacris to you (it does now to me, too) but I actually almost felt ashamed for praying for our relationship. Like God somehow would refuse to listen to me because Dan wasn’t a Christian. FALSE! Pray, pray, pray and pray some more. Goodness, pray until you are blue in the face. The Lord LOVES hearing your desire for Him to take up more space in your life. And when He moves, LOOK OUT! He moves big.
Hint: Although, I don’t believe there’s only one way to pray, I do think it’s important to pray for our own hearts and not JUST the hearts of our men. I constantly prayed for more patience, kindness, and softness in my heart and in my words.
If you make it through the whole day without a prayer (you already guessed it) PRACTICE! Add it to that before bed meditation. That’s what, 6 minutes a day? You can do it. I know you can. And your relationship will thank you later.